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You can't live without eatingI don't know why it happened to me really. I don't know how many times I've asked myself that question. Why me? I remember how it all started. It was long before I got diagnosed actually. I had been depressed for a long time already. Then it just hit me. What if I'd try to change something with myself to get rid of this misery? I pretty much wanted to die anyway.
That's when I first started exercising. I've always loved dancing and I could that simple math they've all told us, the medias, school, parents If you burn more than you take in you'll lose weight. I had plenty of time at first since it was summer after all. I danced and danced and started to say no to sweets once in a while. I still ate them though, to reward myself. I didn't have any problems with food yet. But the dancing I used to love so much became a torture. At least 30 minutes a day I worked out. I had no interest in breakfast and had a fruit instead.
My hard work paid of though. People told me I looked good and
I fainted on my birthday!It had been a perfect night. Not exactly as I planned out my birthday to be but still one of the best times I've ever had. I had been so excited about the evening with my friends. One of them, Meda, wasn't able to come because she was babysitting her brother but both Olivia and Sanna were there and I was happy. They had given me an owl cup to drink coffee out of and they also gave me a pen since I never had one in school. It was so sweet of them. They didn't really have to give me anything but I was still grateful for the gifts.
We all started off having dinner, sausage pasties, with my brothers and my dad. I and Sanna eating vegetarian sausages of course and my bros got hamburgers instead. We talked and laughed together and it was wonderful. I swear I forgot about all my troubles there for a while.
After my little brothers were sent to my mom's house so that we could get some time to ourselves we ate ice cream. I ate light ice cream but felt okay about it. I wouldn't let the anorexia
Invisible in the shadowsYou should worship your friends for all that they do,
Stay by your side and be kind for you.
You'll never know when they all turned their back,
Just that it got all your confidence to lack.
You get so easily filled with jealousy and hate,
But you fight to hold it back before it's too late.
You put up a mask and start faking your smile,
Nobody has even looked your way for a while.
You keep that agony closed and the feeling you have you hide,
It gets colder and darker each day inside.
You aren't that star everyone wants and like,
Maybe you should just put your crushed heart on a spike.
You know they don't see you or even look your way you bet,
Nobody really want to be with you is that so hard to get?
You cry for long and rub your eyes until they are sore,
Wondering if anyone cares for you anymore.
A captured colourless photographyIn my mind it's grey-scaled.
My memories of the bittersweet past I try to capture them in a grasp.
They fall through my fingers like leafs in the autumn breeze.
I taste them but I don't recognize the flavour.
If I was as safe and sound as I could be I wish back for that faint feeling.
No heartbeats can hold me down in the warmth of my inside.
Silently I'm sung to sleep while the creatures grow around me.
I've closed them out to bare myself through the night.
I'm locked in the world of my imagination.
Trapped at the moment those cold, dark hours before the day appears.
I want them back so greedily my body aches with longing.
I'm standing at the doorstep to a place I'll never reach.
Will I cry in forever because I'm not able to stop the time and hold it?
Once the stars appears there's no turning back.
The same pattern is always followed now.
The wheels go into each other endless going and turning my life.
I remember when it wasn't like that.
It's so fresh in my head but every second it d
Food for thoughtHow do I tell you?
Would you understand if I did?
The questions that circulate in my head every time we come around that subject.
My enemy, my fear and my desperate obsession.
I probably confuse you with the way I talk about it.
You see, I want it.
But I can't have it.
I'm sure your macarons are delicious. No thanks, I don't want one.
That was a lie.
I want do want it, I would take it if I was normal.
Though, I'm not normal. I don't know how to act around food.
This substance that you so gladly eat is so hard to swallow for me.
Let me watch it, let me smell, let me touch is and hear how it sound against my skin.
But I won't eat it.
Got to have the control and keep away from the list of the forbidden.
Sometimes I may eventually seem like I know it is. To eat whatever I want whenever I want.
That is not the case.
It may even seem like I'm struggling while I'm in charge.
That isn't the case either.
You wouldn't even know what's going on in my mind.
And I can't tell you, because I do
ReflectionsVal's pursuit led him to the foul beast's domain. The hollowed-out cavern reeked of blood and rancid meat. The dim light he had seen as he charged through the tunnel after the monster could now be identified: torches. Rows of mysteriously lit torches lined the walls of the huge cave. At its center was a substantially large labyrinth of mirrors.
He spotted the beast entering.
He spun his silver broadsword in his hand and hurried in behind it.
His garb was a simple blue and white crusader's leather with thick armored pads and reinforcing steel studs. Lightweight and flexible, but quite effective defense against blunt blows and – in a pinch – the slashing claws of the unholy spawn of the earth. All monster-hunters wore a similar variety in Val's experience. It would serve him well in these close quarters of the mirrored maze.
Right, left, forward, left, right he turned, always catching a glimpse of the beast's tail as he wove his way through the corridors. Every so often he sp
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More